We often assume that the chronically ill are in the minority, however, you may be surprised to know that nearly 1 in 2 people in the USA have a chronic illness and about 96% of it is invisible. Are these women attending church retreats? Too many of them are suffering silently. They are depressed, isolated, and sometimes questioning if God really cares. Others, you will find, are some of the wisest, joyful, and spiritually mature women you will ever meet. They will touch your retreat attendees in ways that even the planned speaker will not. But are any of them coming?

Rest Ministries, which is the largest Christian organization that serves the chronically ill, recently did a survey about attending retreats while living with a chronic illness. Out of the 20 respondents, 17 reported that they participated less in retreats since their diagnosis. When asked why the responses were:

Three said, “Accessibility issues (I know I can’t easily get to and from different buildings at the retreat)”; 6 people reported, “The pain factor. It’s just too draining”; 4 responded, “The unpredictable health issues”; and 10 said, “A combination of the above.”

So, how could you encourage these women to get involved again in your church retreat?

1. When planning the retreat ask a lot of questions about the retreat center and promote that you have this information before people register

For example, are the hills steep? Are there “golf carts” available? Exactly how far are the rooms from the main building? Is electricity in the rooms? Are only bunk beds available? Are there chairs other than just metal folding chairs? Elevators? One women explains, “I stopped going a year or so ago because the retreat planner does not tell you what is expected, or about walking, stairs, etc. They need to be more honest.” People with illness look for retreat centers held in locations where there is little walking involved and preferably the ground is flat. Large homes or hotels are also good. It’s easy for a retreat director to assume that fifty yards is a “short walking distance.” But fifty steps may be the limit for some people. So provide actual distances on your promotional flyers, not just “rooms are within a short walking distance.”

2. Realize that women with illness have a great desire to go on retreats and get to know others, but they also will be on their own schedule at times. Don’t take it personally.

Margaret, who lives with a malignant brain tumor and uterine cancer says, “I don’t attend because people don’t want to understand or accept that sometimes I have to retreat from the ‘retreat.’ Sometimes I have to go back to my room and get some rest. Other people decide that I’m escaping from my problems, and demand that I participate in whatever event was planned. I’m not trying to be anti-social. I will participate when God enables me to do so; but at the same time, when God tells me to rest, I must rest despite what the [retreat] ‘timetable’ states.” As a retreat planner you can help this by posting the retreat’s schedule at least a week before the event on the church’s web site.

3. While you are deciding events such as ice-breakers or fun games, make sure there is something that those with physical limitations can participate in if they choose

You may ask those with chronic illness what their preference would be. Many are happy just to cheer on their team, rather than participate in the actual race where everyone dresses up in costumes. Debbie, who lives with chronic fatigue syndrome shares, “Unfortunately, I have not been able to find any retreat planners who understand that I am unable to participate, not because I’m uncooperative, shy, or antisocial, but rather because I cannot physically do so; the result is that I do not attend church retreats any longer.”

4. Don’t gasp at all they pack

Though all women have necessities they pack to be more comfortable for their stay, those with chronic illness will have extra stuff. These may include: their own bedding, special cushions for chairs, a few pillows, eighteen kinds of snacks, pain patches, shades to sleep, and a flashlight and a book to read if sleep doesn’t happen. They may pack special water, a humongous pillbox of medicine (don’t comment), and perhaps even a service dog (which she likely would have spoken to you about before the event).

5. Remember that she knows her body better than you do, and she is trying to plan for the best experience

She realizes that riding a bus to the retreat center may throw her back out the whole weekend, so if she can go in a car with a staff member that modification is very beneficial. If she wears ear plugs or listens to music, don’t take it personally. She may need to save her strength to socialize that evening. If she is diabetic, she may be eating small meals or snacks throughout the day. Don’t comment, “Oh, we’re going to be eating in thirty minutes, so why don’t you just wait.”

6. Take her requests in stride without thinking she is being a prima donna

She isn’t asking for the bottom bunk and bringing her bedding because she is the Princess and the Pea. She may have some required needs. For example, electricity is a medical requirement, not a wish, for women who use a CCAP machine for sleep apnea (2 women out of our responses of 20 use one). Refrigeration of medications may also be necessary, so don’t tell her to just find an ice pack for her room. Her medication could be ruined so she may need access to a staff member who can get into the kitchen. Sheryl, who has chronic myofascial pain reminds us, “Make sure there are always chairs available for those who can’t stand more than a couple of minutes.” Don’t assume just because you don’t see a cane, means she is fine.

7. Respect her privacy

Marjorie says, “When an explanation is given in confidence, avoid reacting so that everyone present knows that I have a problem.” Anjuli, who lives with congenital myopathy (a form of Muscular Dystrophy) agrees. “Don’t single me out!”

8. Have scholarships available

Most people with illness are on a very limited budget. These women, however, are often too proud to ask for financial assistance for something they consider “frivolous”–which it is compared to paying for their monthly medication. Let them know scholarships are available.

9. Assign a person in charge of overseeing the necessities of those with chronic illness

Choose your “healthiest” person with a chronic illness, or a cancer survivor, to communicate with those with illness and listen to their needs and concerns. The women who responded to the survey still do attend retreats and most say they approach the retreat planner ahead of time about their health issues. But for the dozens of others who would like to attend, but assume you are unable to accommodate their needs, they never contact the church. Try to reach the women who assume they are unable to go, by putting a special line on your promotional flyers that say, “Coping with chronic illness? Ask us about our special accommodations! We’d love to have you come!”

Those who live with chronic illness are one of the most valuable gifts in our church that we often overlook. September 8-14, 2008 is National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week, sponsored by Rest Ministries, and it’s the perfect time to take a second look at your ministry’s priorities and who is missing out on being served. Don’t forget that the joy in the Lord many ill people have is also contagious and your church is missing out on their influence. Get them involved today. In time, one of them may be your next retreat speaker.